Letters from Belarus

In Zen, there is a tradition called “dokusan” which consists of 1-on-1 conversations with a teacher. Normally dokusan is private and ephemeral. However, for the last 10 months, I have been doing dokusan with Tōkō (冬光) in Belarus via email. Tōkō has permitted me to share our slightly-redacted dokusan.

Tōkō – May 22, 2025

Hi Lsusr!

Thank you for your response! I have low karma on lesswrong so cannot post more than one comment per day. So I decided to contact you by email. I am more confident to share the personal details here, but I will answer something to the post tomorrow for other people’s benefit (will remove uncomfortable or irrelevant details). 

Here is a short bio. The body is 40 years old. Have been on the path since 2012, so 13 years or so. 

Till 2016 did mindfulness meditation 30 minutes per day and worked as a programmer, remembering going back to awareness during the day. 
In 2016 left the job and went to Arunachala for 4 months. Started doing self-inquiry sporadically (questioning “Who am I?” and looking for the source of thought), continued with formal mindfulness meditation up to 1hr per day. 

Didn’t work till 2022, self-isolated, read spiritual and science literature, wanted to change my thinking. 

In 2018 had an experience of being sucked into the dark luminous field of awareness which was still and cool, but started fidgeting and fell out of it.

In 2022 started doing repetitions of “I” (repeating “I” and looking for the source where it comes from)/self-inquiry formally for 1 hour and all the available time during the day (around 1-2 hours during commute). 

2024-25 Doing self-inquiry formally 3-5 hours (and all other time one can remember) but it doesn’t stick, the mind is restless. Sometimes it hits sweet spot and thoughts shut down and it feels peaceful and caring. Had 2 experiences of “no self” while operating normally without anything disappearing. One lasted for ~5 min, another the whole hour, felt enormous peace and feeling that everything is in its right place including my life. 

Sorry for being wordy but I decided that it’s important. Further I will answer to your questions:

Do you have a teacher?

No. Where I am from (Belarus) the teacher is an unbelievable rarity. But I had correspondence with [redacted] (I couldn’t contact him now, as he has trouble writing due to mangled hands). He suggested to keep going with self-inquiry and left me a mantra for repetition with breathing. 

What type of meditation do you do / have you done?

I described it above. Now, it’s all about self-inquiry. 

How long have you been doing it for (both time per sit and calendar time)?

13 years. During the last year it’s about 3-5 hours per day. 

What books and other material have you read?

Too many too mention. I’ve read Kapleau and Suzuki books. And have a special place for Kapleau due to letters of Bassui and description of self-inquiry process. Books that were instrumental for my practice:

• Ramana Maharshi: Who am I?, Talks, Collected Works, etc. – everything by him.
• Chogyam Trungpa, The Sanity We Are Born With, The Sacred Path of the Warrior – other his books for basic mindfulness practice.
• Krishnamurti Jiddu – most of his stuff putting stress on “choiceless awareness” which somewhat worked pre-2022.
• Nagarjuna, The Fundamental Wisdom of the Middle Way – to calibrate perception of the world.
• Henepola Gunaratana, Mindfulness in Plain English.etc., etc.

What have you tried that you like and dislike?

Basically, I tried a lot of stuff.

• Mindfulness meditation: worked but doesn’t anymore, too stuffy mind. 
• Repetition of “I” and looking for the source: worked during really dark times but now feels off.
• Chanting of mantras: working but I take it more like a plaything and I need to chant in voice and I’m not always comfortable with that
• Meditation on breathing: worked pre-2022, then stopped working, now seems to work again
• Self-Inquiry: struggling with it, but Bassui, Ramana and Gary Weber in personal correspondence said that that’s the way to go. Plus, it led to that experience of dark luminous field. But strangely enough it happened spontaneously, I wasn’t planning nor sitting, it just appeared in consciousness. On a plus side, I can do it while walking, waiting in queues, visiting doctor, etc.
• Relaxing into awareness: sometimes it works miracles, but it’s not consistent and depends on external factors (like the state of the mind and weather)
• Just sitting: it worked pre-2022, but now I keep fidgeting and cannot stop (not even saying about the lotus posture)
• Counting breathing: works. 

What concerns finding a local community to sit, it’s now as you can see problematic on many sides, – here few people are interested in such questions as awakening as awakening. But I do what I can with what I got. 

What concerns the video call – thank you for such a gift! I will certainly keep that in mind. But so far, I do better with text than live communication (hang, stutter and so on). I’d better first to have some more concrete questions to ask. As you see, for now it’s all over the place. 

Thanks for that opportunity, your time and patience! 

Much love, Tōkō

Lsusr – May 22, 2025

Thank you for getting in touch!

Please do not feel obligated to share any information publicly on LW or privately with me. I just asked because meditation advice is often conditional.

Here are a few thoughts in no particular order.

– 3-5 hours per day! For 13 years? I know you probably don’t literally mean “3-5 hours per day every day for 13 years” but reading things like this make me grateful for how little time it took me to hit the insight checkpoints.

– There’s nothing wrong with chanting in voice, provided you’re not bothering anyone else. My local zendo starts all of our zazen with chanting.

Some more questions:

– What do you mean when you write that mindfulness meditation and meditation on breathing doesn’t work anymore?

– What do you mean when you say “mindfulness meditation”?

– What does “self-inquiry” mean to you?

– “Relaxing into awareness: sometimes it works miracles” <- Again, what do you mean by this?

– What do you mean when you write that counting breathing works? Exactly what method do you use and what results do you interpret as it working?

These questions I’m asking here aren’t tricks or koans. It’s that these words are used by different people to mean different things and I need to pin down exactly what you mean with them.

Until then, here are a few bits of …not quite advice. Maybe think of them as ideas to try out?

– Do some in-person charity work, like a soup kitchen, homeless shelter, walking dogs at an animal shelter, volunteering at a science center. The exact choice doesn’t matter—pick whatever makes the most sense for your personality and life circumstances. Don’t worry if the people there are into “awakening”, and don’t worry if it meets the criteria of Effective Altruism. (When I was shooting for stream entry, I volunteered as a coach for the nearby highschool robotics club. (I lived in a poor, dangerous part of town, without anyone else who could teach programming.)) As another example, a few weeks ago I cleaned my aunt’s kitchen. That made her really happy. (She is a single mother of two.) If the people around you are in survival mentality, then surely there are opportunities to help others survive.

– To make time for charity work, consider cutting the meditation down to 1-2 hours per day on the cushion—or even less. You’re doing in a day what I used to do in a week! (Definitely be careful here and dismiss my idea if you don’t feel it applies to you. If you feel you need the meditation to be sane, keep your life together, or just feel good, then disregard this bullet point.)

– Try out walking meditation (kinhin). This may be easier if you’ve got a fidgeting problem. Just mindfully washing dishes, cleaning, etc. can have a similar benefit too. (Plus you get to live in a cleaner home.)

– In your drives to work, maybe replace self-inquiry (a form of insight/vipassana) with a gentler practice like metta or Daoist mindfulness. More generaly, insight practice tends to be destabilizing, and I get the impression you’re going hard with insight practice. You may find value in more stabilizing practices, like metta.

– If you notice yourself fidgeting then let the fidgeting happen and just be mindful of the fidgeting.

– I recommend you drop the koan practice. The way I understand it (I could be wrong), you’re supposed to have a teacher checking up on you who can verify whether you’ve solved the koan, and you don’t have a teacher. Corollary: If you find a teacher you like who gives you a koan, then that koan practice is fine.

To put things in other words: My general impression (which I’m not 100% sure of, having not met you IRL) is that you’re doing more than enough sitting and especially insight. I’m guessing (just a guess!) that you would benefit from putting that on the backburner and focusing your attention instead on concrete acts kindness to your fellow beings, alongside other people doing the same.

Most importantly, do not take anything I write here (or elsewhere) too seriously. All I know is that I know nothing.

I hope this helps—or at the very least isn’t harmful.

Tōkō – May 22, 2025

Thank you for your detailed and thoughtful answer!

3-5 hours per day!

It’s only the last year. I can do it since I don’t work. Before that I did only about an hour per day (formally). Some more questions:

What do you mean when you write that mindfulness meditation and meditation on breathing doesn’t work anymore?

I cannot sit quietly without fidgeting. I can do meditation on breathing, but not mindfulness meditation. 

What do you mean when you say “mindfulness meditation”?

Keep coming back to awareness while watching thoughts. A thought appears. One notices it. And coming back to awareness ignoring the thought. So in a gentle way one establishes in awareness. 

What does “self-inquiry” mean to you?

When a thought appears one doesn’t follow it but asks, “To whom has this thought appear?” The answer emerges, “To me.” The next question, “Who am I?” And the mind should supposedly go back to its source (underlying awareness). So it’s also a method of coming back to awareness. Not so gently as with mindfulness but for me it’s working in one way or another notwithstanding issues with fidgeting and stuffy mind. Sometimes it hits “a sweet spot” and Access Concentration is easy and the mind is serene. But most of the time it’s a struggle. 

“Relaxing into awareness: sometimes it works miracles” <- Again, what do you mean by this?

Letting go of everything as it is. And letting go any involvement in any process (including the practice). Sometimes I do it on out-breaths. Sometimes just sitting. If thought appears, let it be. Just releasing the grasping. 

What do you mean when you write that counting breathing works? Exactly what method do you use and what results do you interpret as it working?

I sometimes count in – one, out – two. Sometimes I count only outs. By working I mean I can reach that tranquil space of (what is possibly) Access Concentration. 

And about the ideas:

Do some in-person charity work…

I cannot force myself to do any task at the moment because [redacted].

If you feel you need the meditation to be sane, keep your life together, or just feel good…

That’s what it feels like. Like the whole house of cards is kept together by the practice. Ultimately, it feels good too. Notwithstanding reservations that it doesn’t work. It helps to keep me sane. 

Try out walking meditation (kinhin).

I do that! And it works (getting to Access Concentration but not further).

I recommend you drop the koan practice.

I got that. What main practice would you recommend? Meditation on breathing? (I get to Access there, but not further, but maybe I’m expecting too much). 

I hope I didn’t take too much of your time. It’s really appreciated. I cannot say thanks with “some cents” as its problematic for me right now. 

Anyway, thank you very much for your response, time and kindness! 

I wish you a nice and bright day. 

Much love, Tōkō

Lsusr – May 23, 2025

Ah, I see. Given your circumstances, 3-5 hours per day absolutely makes sense. You might as well make the most of a bad situation!

You more you tell me about your situation, the more I get the feeling that you can sense what is working for you and what isn’t, and that—generally speaking—you should be able to just trust your intuition in that domain. [This is not to imply the patriarchs are necessarily wrong. It’s just that certain ideas are easy to miscommunicate with words, especially written words.] In this vein, I worry that any recommendations for and against particular practices could mess up what you’ve got going for you.

Thus, once again, everything I say here is just ideas. You can quickly find out for yourself whether these ideas are beneficial to you.

That said, this thing you wrote stood out to me.

I was observing myself doing stuff as if propelled by some invisible force and events were falling into their place on their own. So I surrendered to that process. And currently that’s one of the most important aspects of my practice – surrender. Just letting go and letting things be as they are…

Just letting go and letting things be as they are…is a important spiritual insight on the road to liberation! I think you may get closer to what you’re looking for by just (as you put it) surrendering rather than doing self-inquiry practice.

Here are my general recommendations:

• Drop most of (or all of) the self-inquiry practice.
• That surrendering stuff—just let it happen. (Provided it doesn’t destabilize you, cause you problems with your life, etc.) Find out where it leads you. [Or where it leads “not-you” haha.] This will replace your self-inquiry and koan.
• Do lots of Daoist activities involving physical motion, like cleaning and kinhin. (I would normally call these “mindfulness” activities, but since you’re using “mindfulness” to mean something slightly differently, I’m just calling them “Daoist”, instead.)
• Don’t ignore your thoughts. Just acknowledge them and let them go. If they come in, that’s fine. More generally, if there’s anything you can’t do, then don’t force yourself to do it.
• Don’t worry about hitting access concentration or “higher” experiences. Your conscious experience right here right now is what matters. The future doesn’t exist and never will. We live in the eternal present. Just be in the moment.
• If there are any practices you feel are necessary to keep your whole house of cards intact (by this I mean your mental health + your real life in physical reality), then keep doing those. That said, stream entry kind of is a house of cards falling apart. This can be confusing and I hope you’ll use common sense. It is very important that you don’t let destabilizing insights wreck your real life.
• Perhaps most importantly, try to find a way to make someone else’s life better. It doesn’t have to be big. Maybe this is a tiny donation (like $0.25) to Our Partners in Health. Maybe it’s writing a nice comment to someone who got downvoted on Less Wrong. Maybe just feed the squirrels, or be extra polite when you’re grocery shopping. If all of these are beyond you, then literal prayers will do the job. The magnitude of the act isn’t important. The important thing is that you’re coming from a place of pure selfless compassion.

What main practice would you recommend? Meditation on breathing?

Meditation on breathing is fine, but I recommend a middle ground between sitting motionless (which is maybe impossible for you) and social charity work (which is impossible for you). Try calm, mindful activities like kinhin, cleaning, cooking, gardening, doing laundry, etc. [Reading and writing is fine as a non-mystic activity. I would be surprised if you could do so while mindful of senate experience. I can’t.] Do these activities slowly and carefully, like a Daoist Tai Chi master, where you enjoy the calm groundness of it—if that makes sense? [If this doesn’t make sense then I can explain more in detail.] (I say this because I get the impression cleaning & similar tasks are something you can do in your current state. As usual, disregard this recommendation if it’s beyond your capacity right now.) {I notice I’m repeating myself a little here. Please forgive me.}

When you get dressed in the morning, pay attention to getting dressed. When you shower, pay attention to showering. When you take off your shoes, pay attention to taking off your shoes.

By the way, I heard about one very good teacher who basically always asked the same question “Are you paying attention to your breathing?” You can get really far just paying attention to your breathing. The reason most people don’t do this isn’t because it doesn’t work. It’s because it’s so excruciatingly boring. But if that’s not a problem for you, then by all means do breathing meditation. Just make sure you’re not too tense. If you’re using the breath to block out the rest of your experience then that might get you stuck in concentration land without much insight. If you can maintain some attention on your breath while (or consistently redirect your attention back to the breath after) other thoughts pop into your head, then that’s a good sign.

Nobody has ever paid me any money for meditation advice and I don’t expect you to break that streak. Many people provided the dharma to me for free. I am happy to (attempt to) pay it forward. [It helps that I earn a very comfortable salary and do not need more money.] It is my pleasure to help out earnest people on the road to Ultimate Truth. If anything, I should be thanking you.

So…thank you. For real. Thank you too for your careful, kind and honest words.

For all sentient beings (including you),

Lsusr

Tōkō – May 23, 2025

Simply thanks for being there! 🙏❤️🙏

Tōkō – May 25, 2025

Hi Lsusr! 

I’m reading Dewdrops on a Lotus Leaf that you recommended and find it soothing, it exudes simplicity and depth of insight into what I understand as śūnyatā. And the following question popped up with regard to śūnyatā. How important was contemplation of śūnyatā on your path (if at all)? 

I ask this question because contemplating śūnyatā of all phenomeno relaxes me with regard to high expectations I put on my life and helps me to cope with difficult emotions and situations. It helps me to let go of the grip and seeming absurdity of what happens around me. 

And yesterday I had a little insight, that disappointment is dependent on expectation and therefore śūnya in itself. So if I want to get rid of disappointment I have to let go of expectation. Then I thought that my greatest expectation lies with awakening, when I consider it to be the best possible outcome, the pill that will solve everything. And I see my life as greatest disappointment exactly with regard to awakening. 

Does it mean that I have to see śūnyatā of expectation of awakening – to let it go – which is to accept my “greatest” disappointment with life by seeing it that it is as it is? That there is “nothing to get” on top of life as it is. Is it what happens at awakening that you let go of that intrinsic expectation from life, how it “should be”, and just rest in it? 

It was always a riddle to me that most of awakened people describe that the experience of life, however you experience it, is perfect as it is and that “things are as they should be already“. I cannot comprehend this but feel that here lies a clue on how to let go of expectation from life/awakening. It’s interesting what you think of it. 

And again thanks for your time and kindness. I promise, I won’t bother you anymore. 

Have a nice day! 

Much love, 

Tōkō

Lsusr – May 25, 2025

I’m glad you’re enjoying Ryokan.

How important was contemplation of śūnyatā on your path (if at all)?

It depends on what you mean by “contemplation”. As an example, consider what it means to “learn about music”. Reading a book about music theory is “learning about music”. Attending a Taylor Swift Eras Tour concert is also “learning about music”. These are very different experiences. Reading about music theory is an intellectual, symbolic activity. Attending a Taylor Swift concert is visceral.

Similarly, contemplating śūnyatā may refer to thinking about śūnyatā on the intellectual level (like music theory), or may refer to direct perception (attending a Taylor Swift concert). Direct perception of śūnyatā is what leads to awakening.

That said, thinking about śūnyatā on the intellectual level has been useful for my personal path—but not because it led to awakening. Rather, understanding śūnyatā intellectually helped me figure out how to inncorporate mystic insights into my regular life. In this way thinking about śūnyatā helped me after awakening.

[D]isappointment is dependent on expectation and therefore śūnya in itself. So if I want to get rid of disappointment I have to let go of expectation. Then I thought that my greatest expectation lies with awakening, when I consider it to be the best possible outcome, the pill that will solve everything. And I see my life as greatest disappointment exactly with regard to awakening.

Awakening will not solve everything. If you have dirty dishes in your sink, then awakening will not wash those dishes for you. That’s not how dishes work.

Does it mean that I have to see śūnyatā of expectation of awakening – to let it go – which is to accept my “greatest” disappointment with life by seeing it that it is as it is? That there is “nothing to get” on top of life as it is. Is it what happens at awakening that you let go of that intrinsic expectation from life, how it “should be”, and just rest in it?

Yes!

It was always a riddle to me that most of awakened people describe that the experience of life, however you experience it, is perfect as it is and that “things are as they should be already“. I cannot comprehend this but feel that here lies a clue on how to let go of expectation from life/awakening. It’s interesting what you think of it.

Alternatively, awakening happens is when you have completely lost all hope in everything whatsoever. These are two sides of the same coin. To quote Chuck Palahniuk: “It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.”

I promise, I won’t bother you anymore.

Nonsense! You misassume that you have been bothering me when, in fact, you have not been bothering me.

There is an appropriate balance between “shut up and sit” vs “asking good questions”. Most people ask too many questions and don’t do enough sitting. Your calibration is way out of whack in the opposite direction. You’ve been digging under rocks looking for the full Moon when anyone with open eyes could tell you that’s not where to find it.

You’ve got a massive quantity of hours sitting, and too little personalized feedback from human beings who know what they’re (we’re?) talking about in this domain. I insist that you talk to a teacher if you’ve got important questions, or you have insights you need double-checked, or you’re unsure of whether you’re pouring lots of time into an ineffective practice, etc. It is perfectly fine if that person you talk to is me.

To put it another way: There are people who try to waste my time. But the people who are meticulous about not wasting my time (e.g. you) do not waste my time.

Tōkō – May 26, 2025

It depends on what you mean by “contemplation”.

Actually I mean two processes. One is reflection or thinking about thinking. For example, I get disappointed somehow, I notice it (1) and attempt to actually see the emptiness of that disappointment by analyzing it (2) and thinking about underlying expectation that led to that disappointment. It sounds intellectual but it feels more on the gut level. And sometimes it works miracles, I even start grinning. Another trick I use, is to remind myself of death and think what all those disappointments would be, if I were on my deathbed. And they quickly turn into not more than nuisance. Also turning śhūnya. 

Another process is what Krishnamurti called “choiceless awareness”. I just see the arising thoughts of disappointment and observe them impartially, one can say passively but attentively, letting go of all expectations. I take them as a scenery on the path. Something fleeting, that is one moment here and another it’s gone. That also brings the feeling of relief and conceptual understanding that that was also śhūnya. 

And sometimes I just do a letting go practice, e.g. as shown by Gary Weber. 

Nonsense! 

😄

You’ve been digging under rocks looking for the full Moon when anyone with open eyes could tell you that’s now where to find it.

Exactly how it feels. 

It is perfectly fine if that person you talk to is me.

Thank you! 🙏❤️🙏

Lsusr – May 26, 2025

That kind of contemplation sounds fine to me. If it stalls, then of course let me know, but it sounds to me like that isn’t the case.

What is “tuning śhūnya”? Do you use “śūnyatā” and “śhūnya” to mean differenr things?

Tōkō – May 26, 2025

I used śūnyatā for emptiness, and śūnya for empty. And I used Sanskrit version to stress out that it’s not empty in the sense of “absence of things” or “non-importance of things” but in the sense of ephemeral nature, empty of essence, like water in the mirage, it appears as one thing but in reality it’s quite another. 

So when I see something from “the deathbed perspective”, it turns out to be śūnya. It doesn’t magically disappear. But it loses its grip. As when you see a bad movie and lose immersion in it, it doesn’t stop, but you are not caught in it anymore. 

If it stalls, then of course let me know

🙏

Tōkō – May 27, 2025

Hi, 

A couple more quick questions about your post Awakening:

1. I let go of the shunyata (sort of like belief) that reality should be something other than what it is.

I cannot understand that sentence. What do you mean by letting go shunyata? As ultimately realizing shunyata seems exactly the insight into the nature of things. Or do you mean that you’d had a view about shunyata before that and you let it also go? 

2. I transcended the shunyata of physicality, time and death.”

Do you mean here that you transcended the ephemeral nature of physicality (i.e. got insight into shunyata of physicality)? Or literally transcended that very previous insight where you “let go of shunyata”? Does it mean that shunyata in itself being transcended? Or that it’s our conceptual understanding of it is? 

As you can see, I tend to think about shunyata a lot. It seems enticing to me (also helps with contemplation) and I’ve got a hunch that it may play a crucial role in the insight.

Thanks!

Have a nice day, Tōkō

Lsusr – May 27, 2025

“quick questions” lol

1.

As an embedded optimizer, your brain needs to do two things: model reality and make good decisions about motor actions. In this way, your brain is trying to do a much harder task than a chess engine like Stockfish, which which is told what reality is (the current chessboard state) and what winning is. The chess engine only has to figure out what decisions to make. Your brain has a much harder problem. It has to figure out what reality is, figure out what “good” is, and figure out what decisions to make—all at the same time.

Biological evolution has chosen to dump your “model reality” function and your “make good decisions” function into a single ball of neurons. When you tell a ball of neurons (physical or virtual) to optimize two separate optimization targets simultaneously the result is a mess. Especially when the neurons’ own motor outputs affect physical reality which affects the world model. The way a normal human brain deals with this feedback loop is to cleave its simulation of reality in two (this is the source of dualism). Anything that is under the direct control of willful volition becomes part of the “self” and everything which is outside of direct willful volition is labelled “other”. This division is messy and imperfect.

Now let’s talk about consciousness. Everything you experience is part of that world model. Some of this is “self”. Some of it is “other”. The computer screen (or cell phone screen or whatever) you’re staring at right now feels like “other”, but that’s not the real screen in external physical reality outside of your brain. It is impossible to [directly] perceive that external screen, because consciousness happens inside of your brain. What you’re perceiving is a representation of the screen inside of your brain. In this sense, everything your perceive is shunyata. Not because physical external reality is shunyata. Rather, it is because everything you perceive is an electrical impulse in your brain.

Physical objects like your computer screen feel they have inherent existence independent of your “self”. But that cannot be true of anything you perceive because things you perceive ipso facto aren’t those external objects. They’re reflections of those objects in the electrical impulses inside your brain.

Most people do not distinguish between the external physical object and the electrical reflection in their brain. Instrumentally-speaking, conflating them is useful when evolution designs a brain. Suppose your brain sends out an electrical impulse that moves your fingers which turns on the real [external] computer which causes your brain to simulate the computer having been turned on. Does it really matter that the real [external] computer is different from the shunyata computer? Not really. A normal person under normal circumstances can and should not even realize they’re two different things. They both just seem to be “the computer”.

But there are some circumstances where the distiction between “external physical reality” and “electrical reflection in your brain” matters a lot. Consider anger, hatred, pain, desire and so on. These mostly* aren’t external physical objects. These electrical impulses aren’t reflections of objective external reality. So when you observe them well enough, your brain goes “This isn’t modeling reality and isn’t making me happy. This is stupid.” and your brain just stops rendering** them. I looked closely at my brain rendering “reality should be something other than it is” and this knot of convoluted logic automatically untangled itself. This is the process by which insight permanently frees you from samsara.

*I’m dramatically oversimplifying here to get the main idea across.

**I’m using “rendering” to mean like how a videogame renders a virtual world. Your brain does the same thing. You live in that virtual world.

2.

I mean that I got insight into the shunyata of space, time and death. As a consequence, my brain noticed that it would be better to render things things different or not-at-all. You know how anger and hatred can (mostly) disappear via untangling themselves if you observe them via insight practice? The same thing applies to much of the conscious perception of space, time, etc.

Tōkō – May 28, 2025

🙏

Tōkō – June 16, 2025

Hi Lsusr! 

I hope you are doing well. I’ve decided to write you a little update. As there are some interesting findings.

First, I’ve tried to incorporate breathing meditation into my practice. First few days it worked well, but then anxiety took over my mind and I could not stop my thoughts at all! I still was successful in focusing on breathing but sitting became a torture. I’ve done it for two weeks in different variations but noticed only increased anxiety. So this didn’t work so well. 

However, I’ve discovered something. Self-inquiry hasn’t stalled at all! I just so used to it and the resultant (relative) peace of mind that I stopped noticing that it worked! Switching to another practice helped me see that. So I rolled back to self-inquiry (I even wrote a post about it to explain what it is and what it is used for). And my state improved. On top of that, I do have deep intuition that that’s the way for me. When I tried another practice, the urge to do self-inquiry was very strong. But the discovery was totally worth switching the practice back and forth!

I also tried to be mindful in my everyday actions. It works on and off. I keep it as a supportive technique. The trouble is, my mind sometimes focuses on so tiny and meaningless details that mindfulness becomes a problem. So I have to revert to inquiry (e.g. “who notices all those details?”, “who cares?”, etc.). But I’ve got an overall spacious feeling out of it and I like it. So I’ll keep with that (I did something like that in the past before the illness onset but dropped it). 

I also tried to talk to DeepSeek about spiritual practices. It also recommended “mild” approaches like breathing meditation (it acknowledges inquiry as “a strong practice”), kinhin in-between and splitting time into shorter intervals. So the first part didn’t work for me. But I reduced overall amount of practice and sitting periods to 30 minutes (except one “main” hour) and introduced kinhin to see how it goes. So far so good. But inquiry is there to stay. Whether it will be a failure or a success, it will be with inquiry. And I feel a peculiar relief from that (that there is no mental indecisiveness about it anymore and no doubt that it works). 

I hope you will find something interesting in that. 

Anyway thanks for your time and attention. Have a nice day. 

Much love, 

Tōkō

Lsusr – June 18, 2025

What does “self-inquiry” mean to you?

Tōkō – June 18, 2025

Hi! 

Self-inquiry for me is what Ramana Maharshi and Bassui taught. Seeking the source of the “I”. Where “I” comes from. 

Practically it works in the following way. I try to relax in awareness and see what happens. If a thought arises I ask, “Who thinks?” If a worry arises I ask, “Who worries?” If an abrupt sound arises I ask, “Who hears?”, etc. And try to feel for where it comes from. Sometimes, the mind provides the answer, “I think/worry/hear.” Then the next question is, “Who am I? Who is this ‘I’?” When “successful”, attention turns back to awareness and the thought/worry/noise subside for some time. Then I rest in that space of awareness. Until another thought/worry/noise arises and the process repeats itself. That’s my ‘formal’ sitting practice. 

However, I try to incorporate self-inquiry in all processes in my daily life. If I walk, I ask, “Who walks?” And feel for where it comes from, spending some time after the question in the silence of awareness until another event arises. 

When lucky, thoughts subside and there are no more questions, I just peacefully rest in awareness. However, when thoughts (especially problematic self-referential ones) arise I repeat the process. 

What I especially like about this practice is that I can do it anywhere. In queues, while walking, while angry, and so on. Everything becomes like “the grist for the mill”. While in the past (back when it worked) I could not do the same with mindfulness as I got overly easy distracted or annoyed because of abrupt sounds (I probably have what is called misophonia, that is overreaction to small abrupt sounds). Yet, I can do (or at least try) inquiry even in such conditions. 

Practice means to me a lot since it (already) helps to live with my overly anxious mind. When it doesn’t work, nothing else does (neither breathing/mindfulness/counting/kirtan kriya/chanting/etc.), so I just go through periods of plain suffering. Then I try to let go or surrender to the Higher Power or one might say flow with water. There is a beautiful quote from Talks with Ramana Maharshi #450 which sums it up: 

He knows what is best and when and how to do it. 
Leave everything entirely to Him. 
His is the burden: you have no longer any cares. 
All your cares are His. 

I hope it makes it clear. 

Much love, 

Tōkō

Lsusr – June 19, 2025

Tōkō,

Excellent. Thanks for the update. It sounds to me like self-inquiry is working well for you. No need to change anything unless it stalls. [That’s all I really have to say, despite how much you’ve written.] Just in case, though: What kinds of things do you notice when you do self-inquiry?

A little warning: self-inquiry can put you into some exotic mental states (useful states, but potentially dangerous ones if you take them too seriously and don’t realize they’re transient), so definitely let me know if things get weird.

And lastly, don’t forget to help out some other people (within your means, of course).

Lsusr

Tōkō – June 19, 2025

Thank you, Lsusr!

What kinds of things do you notice when you do self-inquiry?

1. The really weird thing was experienced only once, when suddenly everything disappeared and “I” was sucked into some space of dark luminosity where there were no subject/object division and which was very caring and tranquil. It didn’t last long as ego reasserted itself. 
2. A couple of times the feeling of “I” suddenly disappeared and thoughts stopped – it felt very peaceful. One lasted for 5-10 minutes, another around an hour. 
3. Sometimes (rarely) thoughts are either drastically reduced or are stopped altogether. It also feels peaceful. 

Personally, I aim at #3, and exotic states don’t interest me. I only know that they are out there and might happen unexpectedly. I read about makyo in The Three Pillars of Zen. But thanks for the warning. I now know to whom to knock if I experience one of those 😉 In the meantime, most of practice is uneventful and is working to pacify the mind. And I’m now happy with that. 😁

Have a nice day! 

Much love, 

Tōkō

Lsusr – June 19, 2025

🙏

Lsusr – June 23, 2025

My personal calendar says to check in with you. How’ya doing?

Tōkō – June 24, 2025

Hi Lsusr! 

I’m doing well, thank you! There were moments of clarity and peace during practice. And there were two occasions to help people with different disorders during my walks, which happened spontaneously and which I could handle. So that part of your advice has also manifested all by itself. I’ve also learned Ramana Maharshi’s Upadesa Saram (“the essence of instruction” in Sanskrit) to chant daily. As I’ve found chanting to be of help to pacify the mind. 

I hope your medical accident is over and you are well. 

Have a nice day. 

Much love, 
Tōkō

Lsusr – June 24, 2025

👍 

Lsusr – August 3, 2025

How ya doing? Just checking in on my favorite Belarusian.

Tōkō – August 4, 2025

Hi Lsusr! 

I’m doing well, thank you! Practice is ongoing with the attitude that practice in itself is progress (Ramana’s words). There were some random peaceful moments but most of the time it’s a (manageable) struggle. Still, happy that I have it in my otherwise chaotic life and can keep on with it. 

Also, I know you meant it lightheartedly, but I don’t consider myself Belarusian (or anything else for that matter). These are all the parameters of the body. But am I my body? I attempt to reflect out all identification of my body with myself. As Ramana said, “Your duty is to be: and not to be this or that.” All I know is that I am. But I don’t know (yet) what I am. 

And how are you?

Much love, 

Tōkō

Tōkō – August 4, 2025

I wrote the following line: 

But I don’t know (yet) what I am.

And only now I’ve understood that I’m secretly looking for identification of some sort. To some self-definition. Be it Pure Consciousness or some other such thing. I guess the goal is to realize that there is no one to identify as anything at all. To just be as Ramana says. 

As Torah also says (in Exodus 3:14), “I am that I am”. God does not define Himself as anything, but simply states that He is, or He is is-ness. 

Which reminds me of one curious story (which I read at Chabad and which really happened). Once a Rebbe was put in the jail. But he was all the time smiling. Jailers didn’t like it and they stripped him of his clothes. But he was still smiling. Then, they asked:

– Why do you smile? 

– You took away my clothes but I still have my Torah! 

Then they took away his Torah. But he was still smiling. They were pissed off and asked: 

– Why do you smile?

– You took away my clothes and my Torah. But no one will ever separate me from God! 

I think he took God to be his innermost Being – I am. That’s why it reminded me of this story. External circumstances might be challenging, etc. But no one will ever take away (or define!) I am. 

I just wanted to share this for some reason… I hope it’s not too much 😄😁❤️

Have a nice day!

Tōkō – August 4, 2025

On a more serious note, the last couple of days there is a feeling that there is consciousness where everything appears as on a screen. It’s not an I, it feels totally impersonal. Just spacious awareness. And it’s not Belarusian, not laden with problems, nor doing of any kind, etc. It just is as it is. 

It has always been like that. Thoughts still happen that tell “I am this” and “I am that”, “I have such and such problems”, “Others will think about me this and that” but they are like birds in unimaginably vast sky, just passing by. I am not that any more than I am a car passing by. 

Attention is at times shifted to pronounced irritants but is quickly recovered back to spacious awareness. It feels peaceful and “at home”. When I appears, it doesn’t want to loose that and starts fidgeting and processes of some kind. But letting it go, everything falls into place. Just as it is. 

Not sure what it is yet. But will keep looking… 

As usual it’s nice to hear from you 🙏❤️🙏

Lsusr – August 5, 2025

It sounds like your practice is going very well indeed and that you’re getting healthy insights.

My medical accident is over. No lasting damage, thank goodness. I’m even taking a short vacation, which is very nice.

I’ve been re-reading Zen Flesh, Zen Bones, a collection of Zen stories. I find it very helpful. You may enjoy it too.

I hope it’s not too much

You have yet to write too much.

Tōkō – August 6, 2025

And I’ve lost the “state” or rather the feeling of being vast awareness! When “there”, it seems incredible how can one loose it as that’s so obvious. But then, “Bam!” – the feeling is gone. It’s even not I that lost it, it just I that has reappeared. I had these oscillations a couple of times already. Tony Parsons calls them “me-ing” and “being”. So I’m again lost in me-ing. But I will see what happens… 

Thank you for the book recommendation! I was just wondering what to read next 😄 

Have a nice day! 🙏❤️🙏

Tōkō – August 7, 2025

I’m reading Zen Flesh, Zen Bones and find it amusing. A story about one hand clapping reminded me another story based on supposedly real life events, which I’ve read at Chabad long ago, so I wanted to share it for some reason. 

Once a famous Rebbe wanted to marry off his daughter. But how to choose a worthy candidate? He declared a three days contest with one question. The one who answers the question wins the hand of his daughter. The question was, “What is God?” And all the three days various clever and not so much guys were trying to give their best answers:

– God is people! 

– God is everything!

– God is nothing! 

– God is existence! 

etc.

But the Rebbe was not happy with those answers at all. And he despaired to marry off his daughter. So at the end of the final day he was about to mount the vehicle and leave the place as he saw one person running for his life after him. He stopped and waited for that guy. The guy looked a bit off, with circles under his eyes, disheveled, etc. And he said: 

– Rebbe, I don’t need any marriage, nor anything at all, but please tell me the answer to this question, “What is God?!” I cannot sleep, I cannot eat, I cannot think of anything else. But I must know this!

Rebbe smiled graciously, hugged the guy like a son and said: 

– Welcome to the family! 

😄 

Lsusr – August 8, 2025

Yeah, the Zen stories often have a similar rhythm to old Jewish stories and jokes.

As for your relationship to your experience of being vast awareness, the experiences you report are 100% normal (for those in the Zen tradition, at least) and indicate you’re going in the right direction.

Tōkō – August 8, 2025

🙏

Lsusr – November 13, 2025

How are you doing? Just checking in.

Tōkō – November 13, 2025

Hi Lsusr! 

It’s nice to hear from you! I’m doing fine, thank you. I’ve got involved in translation of Ramana Maharshi’s work “Reality in Forty Verses”, so working on it the last couple of months. 

Now I’m only doing around 2 hours of practice per day. Also stopped doing yoga and chanting for prolonged time (only chant one particular piece which takes around 4 minutes). The practice itself has “deteriorated” (don’t know why, it’s not because of translation), so haven’t experienced no-thought state in months. But keep persevering as nothing else seems to work in my case. 

There is a metaphor to describe my state. Ramana used to say that doing practice is like a dog following the scent of its master, until it reaches him. Previously I felt that I’m feeling “the scent” and it was easier to follow the inquiry. The question was “sticky” and resonated deeply. But now “the scent” is lost somehow (though it still resonates). 

Now what seems to be “sticky” are the questions, “What is existence?” and, “What is sentience?” I’ve heard one liberated man say, “There is no existence” and it touched me deeply. As to me existence is self-effulgent pre-conceptual screen on which the images of the observed and the observer appear as a VR show. And to deny it there has to be the ground from which it is denied. So it doesn’t sound consistent but it got me thinking (as I consider that man truly liberated). 

So I might say that the progress is “slowed down” (as if I could properly gauge it, Ramana said that doing the practice is itself the progress, whether one is aware of it or not). But I’m still doing the inquiry! Deep down I know that it’s the right path for me. One word that describes my attempts among many doubts and let downs is perseverance. So I keep on with that word in mind. Perseverance-perseverance-perseverance… And the rest is in God’s hands. 

I don’t ask how your practice is progressing not to be too nosy. I assume that after kensho it all feels different and in its right place whether there are any thoughts or not. I’m just glad to hear from you. 

🙏

Lsusr – November 13, 2025

It’s good to hear from you as well.

You’re welcome to ask about my personal practice. Practice changes a little after kensho but it changes a lot after stream entry. I’m autistic and I have sensory issues. About a year ago (which was multiple years after stream entry for me), my insight practice started to heal those issues for me. Another problem of autism is it damages your social intuition. Apparently my problems with social intuition were downstream of my sensory issues, because over this last year my social intuition has been repaired, which is something I didn’t know was even possible for autistic people. This has had massive positive ramifications on my social life. My practice right now has been dealing with those positive changes. Also, I noticed recently that I should be getting more exercise, so I’ve been doing that too.

What do you mean “don’t know why, it’s not because of translation”? I don’t understand this parenthetical.

Do you observe that your practice is paying noticeable dividends and that you’re getting somewhere? If so, that’s great! If not, we should probably consider changing something. Either way, you might enjoy using “What is existence?” as a koan—perhaps just for a few days.

Have you read Romeo Stevens’ Threefold Training?

Tōkō – November 14, 2025

Sounds like your practice is going well. I can relate with sensory overload. I myself tried physical exercises (yoga with the focus on inquiry), but that didn’t last long. I lost all interest in that, which is detrimental but I cannot change it. 

What do you mean “don’t know why, it’s not because of translation”? I don’t understand this parenthetical.

I meant: I don’t know why the practice has become relatively “worse”, but it’s not because of my work on translation. 

Do you observe that your practice is paying noticeable dividends and that you’re getting somewhere?

My major indicator is the peace of mind (and another one is freedom from thought). When I’m doing practice I feel the (relative) peace of mind. So this is its greatest dividend, which I don’t get from anything else. In that regard it’s still going strong. Considering the change of practice, I’ve tried many other practices but they felt worse, so I’m not ready to change it. 

I’ve read Romeo’s post and do remember that you mentioned it in your post. I try to incorporate self-inquiry with all the three aspects. 

1. Concentration is an obvious outcome of the inquiry. I feel difficulty with concentrating at times, but overall it works. 

2. Insights don’t depend on me directly but they pop up here and there. The last insight which I still cannot process is that there was a glimpse that there is no one! No one can be found outside or inside, in other people as well. We are like empty boats bumping into empty boats all the time. 

3. Integration is the most difficult part for me as I don’t lead a “normal life” by any means. I’m cut off from interaction with other people and cannot interact for long periods of time (my attention runs riot). But I try to incorporate the practice with everyday life nonetheless. In fact, my nearest goal is to achieve automatic self-inquiry in all transactions with the world (which sages, and Jason also, say is possible). Which at the moment I struggle with. 

So when I weigh in everything, the practice although has become worse, is still giving me much benefits as it gives me peace of mind and helps me to structure my life with the help of it. So it’s working. And when the going gets tough I always remember the words of Annamalai Swami (an awakened disciple of Ramana Maharshi): 

Q: Many people find self-enquiry very difficult. Even most of Bhagavan’s devotees seem to follow a bhakti path. If one cannot do enquiry successfully, should one first purify the mind with japa?AS: No. If you have some interest in the path of self-enquiry you should follow it even if you feel that you are not very good at it. If you want to do self-enquiry effectively and properly you should stick to that method alone. Other methods may be good in their own right but they are not good as preparations for self-enquiry. If you are serious about becoming a good violin player, you take lessons from a good teacher and practise as much as you can. If you encounter some difficulties you don’t switch to the clarinet for a few months, you stay with your chosen instrument and keep practising till you get it right. The best preparation for self-enquiry is self-enquiry. 

— David Godman, Living by the Words of Bhagavan 🙏

Tōkō – November 14, 2025

Actually, I forgot to mention one important milestone. Today was the first time that I dreamt doing self-inquiry! It’s an integration milestone. Previously I was upset that all my efforts didn’t lead to me dreaming of doing self-inquiry. Something that many people doing that practice say are happening to them. And today it finally happened! Though I immediately woke up. 😄 I hope to reach that stage where it continues in dream state and goes on during activities in everyday life automatically. I would consider it as an important milestone and victory. 

Lsusr – November 15, 2025

Congrats! 🎉 I’ve never done insight practice while sleeping.

Tōkō – November 15, 2025

😂

Tōkō – December 8, 2025

Hi! 

I’ve read you post about Critical Meditation Theory and enjoyed it. Though I’m still wrestling with the idea that an insight practice moves one into less stable state (and potentially into psychosis). But I see that you are attempting to integrate this state into practice. And I sense that such integration is a healthy sign. I also try to process all what’s happening in my case (i.e. mainly with abulic state). 

I still view the process of psychosis in a Pavlovian way. Pavlov introduces the state he calls ultraparadox, which is basically a strong contradiction in consciousness that cannot be resolved (i.e. “I need to run/I have no legs”). And when there are many such contradictions in thinking or some one grabs the field of attention completely the brain tries to integrate this highly differentiated state in some way. Thus we might get the brain in that ultraparadox state, full of contradictions it cannot resolve, which if taken too far leads to psychosis. And I assess myself being in that state most of the time (which is not healthy). 

I acknowledge the semblance of this process to Zen koan practice and self-inquiry process! As Zen introduces such unsolvable paradox into the picture. However, there is a difference: contradiction in Zen is introduced in peaceful atmosphere and there is no existential threat to the organism and contradiction that life provides mostly represents an existential threat (like Dark Night episodes). And I’m guessing that is what feeds the psychosis. One might say, Zen koan is a form of a controlled ultraparadox state, while life overloads the system with its contradictions leading to uncontrollable state. 

And I’ve remembered what Gary says about this in his book: 

Complex systems theory is now being applied to psychological systems. In The Psychological Meaning of Chaos, Masterpasqua and Perna describe how traditional views of equilibrium and stability are assumed to connote healthy mental states, while non-equilibrium and disorder are judged to be unhealthy

. Their contrary approach is that the opposite may actually be more correct.

 They believe that psychological pain results when one becomes locked in a futile attempt at stability and equilibrium “in order to maintain an old way of knowing and to resist the inevitable emergent novelty woven into the process of living.” (11)They also conclude that what looks like a disordered state may actually be the best way to deal with a continuously restructuring self that is the result of the complexity of today’s world. 

11: Masterpasqua, F., and Perna, P., The Psychological Meaning of Chaos: Translating Theory into Practice, American Psychological Association, Washington, DC, 1997, 36-37.

— Gary Weber, Happiness Beyond Thought

So you might be unto something here! The only trouble as I see it, psychosis is the brain’s saying, “Nope, cannot resolve contradiction, period. Here are my wild guesses as anything goes!” And it gets totally out of control (i.e. unstable state). While when working on a koan it has a structured challenge without (hopefully) existential threat (i.e. it tends to metastable state with predominant Tasking Network). That is one is unstable, another tends to metastable state in tasking. 

At least that’s my current understanding of this process. Granted that breakthrough into Stream Entry may indeed tip it to the unstable side for a while, but who cares if one gets there! 😄 But many teachers said about initial disorientation that may happen. 

The funny thing: I’ve got an impulse to write you a letter but resisted it, was sitting with the inquiry, but eventually could not resist and wrote it for no apparent good reason! I hope you’ll find something interesting. Who knows why it was written?

Have a nice day. 

Much love 🙏

Tōkō

Lsusr – December 9, 2025

It is good to hear from you, as always.

I could nitpick details, but they’re just that: details. I’m still learning the math, myself.

As for the contradiction thing, I think uou are understanding correctly. Going a little relatively supercritical into insight territory (but not all the way to psychosis) is how you resolve them. The trick is going hard enough to make progress, but not so hard you lose touch with reality and mess up your life. If you’re doing this right you should never mess up your life. (Though you may need to retreat from the noise for a bit after significant insights.)

If you’re using “dark night” to refer to the stage in an insight cycle, they don’t require existential threats. Dark nights just happen when you perceive the full extent of a contradiction in your consciousness, but haven’t figured out how to solve the paradox yet.

What do you mean by “an abulic state”? An absence of willful volition is one of the fruits of insight. Are you referring to something else?

Tōkō – December 9, 2025

An absence of willful volition is one of the fruits of insight.

Yeah, that’s a difficult part to explain as I have experienced the absence of will in a mystical state myself. The absence of will from the insight means intentions still come up, you just realize that there’s no one in control of them. But when there is thirst, the body directs itself to drinking, etc. Things work out themselves. And the body feels great, energized and the mind is very alert. 

Abulic state is different: some intentions just don’t come up anymore and there is apathy and dullness, no interest in anything. One cannot force oneself to do stuff even if there is a need to do it. It’s bordering with “moving” stupor. And the most intriguing thing, you yourself don’t understand what doesn’t work. I understand that etymology suggests a good thing but the word to transfer the meaning here is closer to apathy and lack of interest. 

But I don’t want to end on a pessimistic note, here is a vulgar joke (from Tony Parsons, no less): 

Catholic priest, rabbi, Buddhist lama and a group of kids are flying on a plane. Suddenly engines break and the plane begins to fall. 

Lama: [Screams!] A-a-a! We all are going to die!!!

Rabi: [Quietly] Easy, there are three parachutes!

Lama: What about kids?!!

Rabi: Fuck the kids!

Catholic priest: Do we have time?

Lsusr – December 10, 2025

✈️

Lsusr – December 21, 2025

Today I asked ChatGPT for kasina meditation instructions. The text-to-sound interface misheard me and it hallucinated Casino Meditation: an explicitly adversarial meditation style designed to be practiced in the maximally attentionally-hostile environments.

Tōkō – December 21, 2025

😄🤣😄 

Hi! And I was thinking about mystical/psychotic states and contradiction. And ended up with the idea that behind the psychotic states there is the active DMN, while behind mystical states the Task-Positive Network (TPN). Contradiction that leads to self-rumination activates the DMN. And contradiction that leads to puzzle solving activates the TPN. 

That would explain why existential threats are often lead to depression/dark night/psychosis and not to the breakthrough. That I think is the major difference between the two. I’ve almost writeen a post about it 😄 as a reflection on your post, but decided not to share it… 

Also, it suggests why even after Stream Entry the brain cannot restructure immediately, as it needs time to find a metastable state in the TPN and to shut down the DMN. I’ve heard Gary said in one of his talks that people who did a lot of mindfulness meditation practice have a higher risk of entering the dark night episode because their DMN is not taken care of, so it keeps pulling attention in… 

Anyways, have a nice day!

🙏

Tōkō – December 21, 2025

BTW, Gary has two illuminating articles about the DNoS and why mindfulness meditation does not work. I cannot find another at the moment, but he and Rich talk about it in this video (there is a link somewhere in the comments to the blogpost). Suzanne Segal is most famous for her traumatic experiences after the awakening. 

The bottom line is this: one has to deconstruct the “I” enough, so that it won’t pull into the DNoS or out of metastable tasking state. And Gary says self-inquiry is perfect for the job. 

Just thought it would be of interest as you’re searching for kasina meditation, and I read it as “intention to stabilize the experience” and thought it may help… 

Tōkō – December 21, 2025

In the hindsight my responses are even stranger than ChatGPT… 😄🤣😂

Tōkō – December 25, 2025

Merry Christmas, Lsusr! 🎄 

May all challenges that you encounter contain in them their solutions. 

Much love ❤️

Tōkō

Lsusr – December 25, 2025

Merry Christmas!

May you find all your challenges to ultimately be empty of inherent dualistic existence.

Tōkō – December 25, 2025

🙏

Tōkō – December 25, 2025

Your words got me deeply… What was I thinking about! Typical Kegan’s Stage 4 blabber… 

May you reach Anuttara Samyak Sambodhi if not this year, then this lifetime!

Lsusr – December 25, 2025

🤣😝
Thanks, you too.

Tōkō – December 30, 2025

Hi! 

I decided to share something with you. I’ve recently asked Gary Weber, whom I consider my root teacher, a couple of questions without any expectation that he might answer, as he stepped down from teaching in 2019 due to health issues. But to my surprise he answered with an extensive outline for my practice and references! The questions boiled down to these two: 

1) After all the work on self-inquiry the practice doesn’t turn automatic as some people reported it will be, what might I be doing wrong? 

2) Notwithstanding the practice, thoughts run galore, what can be done about this? 

To the first he answered with three posts about the basics of self-inquiry and the need for perseverance and focus. He also suggested that I add short 2 min breaks into the day 5-6 times to integrate the practice with life more fully. But that’s not what I wanted to share. What I wanted to share is his answer to the second question. 

I knew about the process of letting go/surrender as a prerequisite for a successful practice. But I missed one thing, it’s not enough to leave some problems to Higher Power for it to manage, but one has to work on this process of letting go/surrender in the same way one works on self-inquiry. I knew about the practices but it didn’t click in my mind that they concern surrender/letting go process! 

Gary referenced two posts about this process Surrendering the “I”, letting go of suffering and Letting go of your attachments to awaken…why/how/when which describe Byron Katie work and the Sedona Method. I started doing them for just about 10 minutes per day (and on demand basis during the day) and something “clicked”! Thoughts started letting go their grasp almost immediately. And the main practice seems to be improved (though it is still too short an interval to say it for sure). 

So the major insight for me was that not only self-inquiry has to be worked on; but letting go/surrender has to be worked on as well! It brings me immediate dividends so I decided to share it with you, maybe you’ll also find it of interest. 

I’m also reading a book by Angelo DiLullo “Awake It’s You Turn” which touches on post-awakening process and he basically says the same thing – that emotions/beliefs has to be released by some means (he introduces similar techniques to Byron Katie) even post-awakening. In general, the book is a good read and the guy is authentic. 

Have a nice day 🌞

Lsusr – December 31, 2025

Yes!

Tōkō – December 31, 2025

What do you mean by yes? 😄 That one has to work on surrender? 

Tōkō – December 31, 2025

I also posted a reflection on Critical Meditation Theory as I see it… for some reason… I didn’t intend to do it but somehow it happened. Maybe because I’m still struggling with the idea that the triggering mechanism beyond both states might be the same. 

Lsusr – January 1, 2026

Great post!

I look at the difference between psychotic states and mystical states in terms of regulation. If you move toward criticality uncontrollably faster than your self-regulation can handle, then you end up in psychosis. If you move toward criticality reversibly and under control, then you end up in a mystical state.

At least, that’s my guess.

Tōkō – January 1, 2025

🙏

Tōkō – December 31, 2025

Hi sensei!

I’m coming to a dokusan 😄 (re-reading the Three Pillars of Zen at the moment). 

This month I’ve come to a place with little to no thoughts, peace and strong concentration 4 times (which is a lot in my case). I’ve started journaling when that happens. The other times it is a battle with thoughts. I also had another dream (or two) in which I started doing self-inquiry and woke up… 

Introducing 2-min self-inquiry breaks during the day on top of the usual practice seems to work. The practice of letting go (through the Sedona Method) also brings benefits of less compulsive thoughts. 

When not in that no-thought state doubts and worries are endless. But I keep working on it. 

On unrelated to practice note, I’ve started learning Sanskrit meaning of Ramana Maharshi’s Upadesha Saram which I chant daily. I do it by explaining each verse to my mom. 😄 I hope that it will help me to remember it better. 

As Yasutani Roshi said it’s good to come to a dokusan as it strengthens the resolve to do the practice. So here I am. 😄 

Have a nice day ☀️ 

Much love 🙏

Lsusr – February 1, 2025

Three Pillars of Zen is excellent.

I continue to get the impression that you have a good sense of what is and isn’t improving things for you. The things you’re observing are good indicators.

Thank you for reminding me I should call my mom. Or get her flowers or something.

When you say you’re journaling when you get to a place with little or no thoughts, I assume you mean journaling after, right? Because discursive thoughts are (somewhat) incompatible with the no-thought state.

<advertising section>

This dokusan has been brought to you by…cyberbuddhism.org!

I recently created a new website cyberbuddhism.org. If you like my writings on meditation, then you may enjoy it. It only has a couple articles so far, because I’m writing it lazily. Every bold term is something that could be its own article, so if there’s black bold terms you’d click on, please let me know that I should write articles for those terms. Or if there’s other stuff you would like an article on, that’s also something I want to know there is demand for.

<advertising section over>

It is good to hear from you, as always. 🙂

Tōkō – February 1, 2025

It’s (almost) always a good idea to call your mom 😉 

When you say you’re journaling when you get to a place with little or no thoughts, I assume you mean journaling after, right?

Yes. Not only after meditation session but after that state disappears, which sometimes takes place even after meditation for some time. BTW, today was another “successful” session. 

I continue to get the impression that you have a good sense of what is and isn’t improving things for you.

I just have huge trust in Ramana Maharshi’s and Bassui Tokushō’s way, i.e. self-inquiry. Intuition tells me that is the way to go. 

Thank you for the invitation to your site (I take it as an invitation and not just as an advertisement 😄)! I will read what’s in there. Two things that immediately caught my eye are: 

1) Self-referential feedback loops – I would read about it more. In scientific literature there is a somewhat related term which the DMN creates: self-referential internal narrative (SRIN). Shutting down the DMN turns off SRIN. But it’s always a good idea to know what it is and how it causes suffering. People usually don’t even recognize that they have this SRIN operating 24/7. So maybe describing it and what to do with it will be helpful. 

2) I’ve noticed that you call the nondual state an altered state. But sages all in one voice call the default state an altered state and the nondual state a natural one (in Sanskrit they call it sahaja sthiti or Turiya)! I understand it may be valuable from a pedagogical standpoint, but isn’t the usual state is an altered state of nescience (avidya)? Even in the Three Pillars of Zen Yasutani Roshi calls our usual state a kind of makyo! But that’s just a mini-rant. It just caught my eye in your Cyberbuddhism dictionary. 

I’ll come back to you with more stuff as I read the content. 😉 

🙏

Tōkō – February 1, 2025

One more thing concerning number 2. 

It may be useful to separate relative perspective (the default) from the absolute (the nondual) and highlight from what perspective you write the content. Where is the starting point or the ground. Because after awakening you have a unique perspective (even if it is not yet absolute) and may describe it directly from the perspective of Reality. 

It is a well-known issue for sages who experienced liberation. Ramana Maharshi said that for him ajata (the absolute perspective, no-creation) was the case, but he taught people from the perspective of drishti-srishti-vada (the relative but advanced relative, immediate creation from perception, what you call umwelt), while there is also srishti-drishti-vada (the relative and usually accepted with creation of an objective world before perception). 

Different teachers took a different perspective for their ground. Buddha took the absolute perspective, calling the default perception a product of nescience (avidya in 12 links of dependent origination). 

So maybe there is a sense to explicitly describe the separation between the relative truth and the absolute truth and state from which ground you are making the plunge. E.g. if you take the relative perspective (of nescience) as the ground, in that case it’s not a problem to call the nondual state an altered one. But I think it’s helpful to explicitly state it somewhere. Or there would be a confusion somewhere down the line… 

Tōkō – February 1, 2025

In Advaita they call two approaches to Reality: Paramarthika Satya (the absolute truth) and Vyavaharika Satya (the relative or empirical truth). 

And sages in their instruction juggle between the two. Most take the stance in Paramarthika Satya and explain how ignorance arises and how to get rid of it. 

Tōkō – February 2, 2025

The bottom line: I would like to read your practical instructions on meditation and insight cycles. What would you call insight meditation? As mindfulness meditation is not a proper insight practice (I wrote a post about it), it has a missing component in it. It would be great if cyberbuddhism would enable people to awakening. Like a one resource for DIY approach. 

Concerning what you wrote about sound masking, I view every activity as a kind of a trance. That precludes abrupt signals and leads to a flow state. When trances are established the brain is concentrated and single-pointed. There are destructive trances (like suffering) and healing trances (like your example with music, video games, meditation, etc.). 

The stronger trance overwrites the weaker one. Thus, we have healing trances that may interrupt suffering (destructive trance). I found this video about video games, trances and meditation revealing: Video Games as Meditation. I highly recommend watching it. Maybe it will give you some ideas on how to introduce the topic of meditation. 

In any case, keep going with this! It’s an interesting perspective. I think that any awakened person (yeah, a contradiction in terms, but whatever) have a unique perspective which helps others implicitly or explicitly. I would enjoy to read more, especially on practical meditation techniques and tips and insight itself. 

🙏

Lsusr – February 2, 2025

Excellent feedback, thank you! It may take me a while to go through it all and get back to you properly.

Tōkō – February 4, 2025

Hi! 

One more thing popped up.

<contemplation mode>

Concerning suffering and fabrications. I’ve remembered the words of Nāgārjuna from the Precious Garland (verse 169): 

There is pleasure when a sore is scratched,
But to be without sores is more pleasurable still.
Just so, there are pleasures in worldly desires,
But to be without desires is more pleasurable still.

And thought that when we add fabrications, we are really scratchingthe sore of suffering. But to be without it would be more blissful. 

On that note, we can say that all our attempts to reach for pleasure (or avoid unpleasant things) highlight that behind them is suffering. If it weren’t for sufferingthe desire to “scratch” might not even arise. So all our attempts to add fabrications are really revealing the undercurrent of suffering. What we call pleasure is just scratchingthe sore. 

</contemplation mode>

On that note I’ve got a question for you. First, I also used sound masking a lot while programming. I thought that I had undiagnosed Asperger’s Syndrome. And I still have troubles with abrupt noises. So the questions is: after awakening do you still need sound masking to work in crowded spaces? Did it go away or become milder or how did it change (if at all)? It’s just interesting to check it with my contemplation mode above, is it correct? 
Have a nice day (hopefully without much snow) ❄️ 

Tōkō – February 4, 2025

It should be: 

Just so, there are pleasures in worldly desires,

and not: 

Just so, there are pleasures in worldly desires,

The sore of suffering is implied in the context. 

Tōkō – February 4, 2025

Also, if you have no time to watch Video Games as Meditation video, I wrote a post summarizing it…

Lsusr – February 5, 2025

Also thanks! Great information & feedback. As with last time, I will reply in full when I can devote the time to your messages that they deserve. I look forward to reading your post.

after awakening do you still need sound masking to work in crowded spaces? Did it go away or become milder or how did it change (if at all)? It’s just interesting to check it with my contemplation mode above, is it correct? 

This question is so good it deserves its own post. The answer is very nuanced. Here are a few answers to short they might be misleading:

• after awakening do you still need sound masking to work in crowded spaces? Yes. For cognitively-demanding work like programming, my noise sensitivity hasn’t changed much overall (I think)? What has changed is that for socially-demanding activities, my noise sensitivity plummeted.
• Did it go away or become milder or how did it change (if at all)? Mostly I became conscious of the effect instead of disassociating, which has guided me in improving my environment.
• It’s just interesting to check it with my contemplation mode above, is it correct? Yeah, it’s correct.

Have a nice day (hopefully without much snow) ❄️

This is funny to me because in Seattle we have a very different relationship to snow than in Belarus. We don’t get snow every year. Snow is so rare, it is an almost magical thing, hence the song I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas. That said, I hope you don’t have too much snow. 🙂

Tōkō – February 5, 2025

That said, I hope you don’t have too much snow.

Ha-ha, thanks! It’s a good exercise for me to clean some snow here and there. 

❄️☃️🙏

Tōkō – February 6, 2025

FYI: I felt there was a missing component in the post so I updated it with the final paragraph. Which stresses that the parallel can’t be pushed too far and the major difference between games and meditation. 

Tōkō – February 6, 2025

Today I’ve understood that it’s better for me not to write on the topic of Dharma. With my latest post I’ve tried to answer the questions in the comments in accordance with the Buddhist doctrine using DeepSeek as a helper, but only confused myself and possibly other people. My understanding is superficial. I’m afraid that I cast a shadow on Dharma. And these are unskillful means. It’s wise for me not to write until awakening. 

So don’t take my words too seriously. I’m just a bookworm and dilettante with superficial understanding of Dharma. I only study Dharma that is enough for practice. And I’ve also understood that I lean in the direction of Advaita expression of it. I understand now why one has to open the eye of wisdom before engaging with the public. Otherwise it leads to confusion and distorts Dharma. And the worst of all, I cannot undo it. Not even sure why I want to write about it at all. Probably because I constantly think about these matters… 

Just a disclaimer. 

🙏

Lsusr – February 7, 2025

Excellent insight! 🤣😄

Even immediately after awakening is usually too soon to write about it. A rule of thumb is to wait at least 1 year + 1 day after stream entry. On the other hand, it sounds like you successfully used LessWrong to become less wrong.

As for me, you needn’t worry about me taking your words too seriously. I don’t use your words to learn the ultimate truth of the Dharma. I use your words to calibrate my own communication, and to collect data on the human experience.

[I haven’t forgotten about your other messages. It’s just been a busy week.]

Tōkō – February 7, 2025

🙏

Lsusr – February 10, 2025

This last week has been very busy, but I finally have time for writing again and have read up on your recent posts. It’s very useful feedback! Thank you so much🙏. You have provided me good signal on what to write about next.

As for your post Games as meditation…

I’m taking a vacation from YouTube videos this year, so your post summarizing it was much more efficient to read. Do videogames induce trances? You define “trance” with the following:

Trance is an altered state of consciousness characterized by single-pointed concentration on particular stimuli forming a system and reduced awareness concerning other stimuli not related to that system.

I think your definition of “trance” confuses “stable, single-pointed attention” [e.g. access concentration] with “flow states”. Videogames can induce flow states, but no normal videogame can induce access concration. Videogames are are sort of the opposite of an access-concentration-inducing device. Videogames are an adversarial environment for access concentration. I have never reached access concentration while playing a videogame.

In the end, meditation is about *turning inside to the core of one’s being* and abiding there. Whereas games turn attention outside.

This is correct.

Self-referential feedback loops – I would read about it more.

Thank you for the guidance in informing me what I should write about. Here is a post about self-referential feedback loops.

Tōkō – February 10, 2025

It’s nice to hear from you! 

Let’s agree on one thing: you write whenever you have time/desire to do so, so that I won’t feel guilt for taking up your precious time! I have more free time at my fingertips than most folks so I can allow myself lengthy letters and feedback 😉 I really appreciate our communication (and feel lucky that I could meet you through LW)! So don’t feel that you have to answer to everything I write (and I will try to be more succinct and to the topic!)

About the post – thank you for the correction! I indeed confuse access concentration with flow states (on the sense of being). That’s one of the reasons I wrote the closing LW post apologizing for potentially misleading people in terms of Dharma (JIC, the post). And I give myself a promise not to write on Dharma in public before awakening (and a year and a day 😄 no less). 

Not sure I could pull it off in personal communication (with friends) though, as I’m constantly thinking about these matters. But I will try my best not to touch Dharma and will better reference some works when there will be interest. 

What usually surprises me – most of the time there is no interest in such matters (it’s like nobody is interested to solve the question of life and death)! That’s partly the reason I value our communication so much, I cannot discuss Dharma with… anyone really. It’s only that my mom will soon learn all the teachings of Ramana 😁 So your enthusiasm is invigorating! 

And thank you for the post, I will read it first thing in the morning (my evenings are usually practice-heavy, it’s a break now for the shower and stuff). 

Have a very nice day 🏂 

Much love ❤️

Tōkō – February 11, 2025

I’ve read the posts (about mindfulness too) and enjoyed them. What I would like to read more is a practical instruction. For example, you give the following definition: 

Mindfulness is the maintenance of lucidity prior to awakening.

But it doesn’t reveal how it operates. What I mean is something like that: 

Mindfulness is sati (recollection) of one’s breathing (or other intrinsic inner processes in your umwelt, such as your presence) with a goal to reach deep absorption (samādhi). 

Then a word or two about terms, what is sati and what is samādhi in your model. Also what is lucidity as that’s an important term, e.g. after the phases of joy (pīti and sukha) during meditation there is an experience of stillness of mind and related to it clarity of perception, that’s lucidity (or maybe you mean a different thing, it’s just an example of what I mean). 
I think (naturally, I may be wrong) definitions work best when they reveal a functional structure between processes where each process is sufficiently clarified. Not just a description. 

🙏

Tōkō – February 11, 2025

A good example of functional definition came to mind. 

One might say: 

Spacetime is bla-bla-bla. Matter is bla-bla-bla. 

or 

Spacetime tells matter how to move; matter tells spacetime how to curve. 

Functional definitions are like functions or verbs they reveal the structure between notions. And we naturally understand things better when they are defined this way. It’s something I’ve learned from Alfred Korzybski’s book Science and Sanity. 

Lsusr – February 11, 2025

It is good to hear from you too, as usual.

I appreciate our communication as well, and especially your respect for my time. Your current level of succinctness and topicality is perfectly adequate. There is no need for you to optimize more in those directions on my account. I continue to be grateful for your feedback on my writings. Of course, you too should never feel obligated to read and/or reply to anything I have written.

Not posting confidant claims about the dharma for now is probably a good idea. But I hope that you are not discouraged from continuing to post your writing online. A few years ago, I was having trouble making friends in the real world, and writing online helped me out a lot. Should you continue to write online, here are a few ideas to consider.

• You can write about topics other than Buddhism. Buddhism is a difficult topic to write correctly and non-superficially about. For my first few years writing online, I wrote about topics other than Buddhism.
• If you do want to write about Buddhism, then instead of writing “X is the true dharma”, you can write “I am confused about X” or “I am trying to figure out X” or “Here’s what I think is going on but I’m not 100% sure” or even “Here is a story about an experience I had”.
• If you haven’t already done so, I recommend you check out https://reddit.com/r/streamentry. It is a great place to meet other people interested in hardcore Dharma. They are far more interested in awakening over there on /r/streamentry than on LessWrong.

“What would you call insight meditation? What would you call insight meditation? As mindfulness meditation is not a proper insight practice (I wrote a post about it), it has a missing component in it.

“Insight meditation” is a calque of “vipassana meditation”. Vipassana, which is a Therevada technique, never caught on for me. I do shikantaza instead, which is from the Zen tradition.

As for mindfulness, I read your post Does mindfulness meditation lead to awakening?. It got me thinking about and researching the DMN, which was a step in the right direction. Here is my perspective on your question about mindfulness and insight: https://cyberbuddhism.org/mindfulness/

Tōkō – February 11, 2025

Wow! Thanks for the tip about reddit! 

Real world friends are difficult in my case (and all of them migrated anyway), but I will see what the future brings. I operate through text, other communication is kind of problematic, so online communication is a blessing for me. In addition, I’ve got in touch with guys doing the translation of Ramana’s works so there are some processes going in the direction of socialization. 

I don’t feel alienated (probably because I got used to be mostly alone in life). But I know that a part of it is the illness, as it leads to alienation and isolation (not the healthy types), so I try to reach out for people here and there and people respond (often to my surprise). 

What concerns insight meditation, I know it’s called vipassana, but in order to figure it all out one has to read Visuddhimagga which is way over my head for now (and my practice is different). So I also take koan-practice and self-inquiry as being kinds of insight meditation. Theravada sources also point in that direction (specifically contemplation over the three marks of existence: impermanence, suffering and no-self). 

What concerns mindfulness, I read your post and wrote you my few cents above. I’ve been practicing mindfulness meditation for ten years or so, based on works of Chögyam Trungpa (and later the Theravada canon, so I’ve been practicing a kind of insight and concentration meditation) and could get to a place of stillness but could not get past it. 

In parallel I was dabbling with self-inquiry and when I became more serious about it, things started changing. So I realized that mindfulness doesn’t work for me and later saw Gary’s video about it and he basically says, “No, it doesn’t work.” Then I did some research and noticed the issue – people confuse vipassana with mindfulness and lately wrote the post about it. That’s the story. 

But if it worked for you that means I and Gary (and researchers from Johns Hopkins) were wrong about it. So it’s interesting what you have to say about it. That’s my perspective – a curious observer. I wrote to you (in the letter above) my few cents about the post, it would be interesting to know what you call mindfulness and lucidity in functional terms, i.e. how to practice. I think what you call mindfulness is something else than “recollection of breathing/awareness” and more closely related to what Dzogchen tradition calls rigpa (pure awareness). 

But I’m just a curious observer what concerns mindfulness as my current practice is self-inquiry. 

🙏

Tōkō – February 15, 2025

Hi Lsusr! 

I have a question. After corresponding with Gary I’ve still got some questions concerning self-inquiry and could not find answers to them (been looking through reddit and the net but to no avail). Is it possible to contact Jason with those questions (as he also writes about self-inquiry)? If he is too busy, I wouldn’t bother him. Is it possible? 

🙏

Tōkō – February 16, 2025

Lsusr, I cancel the request! I’ve had two amazing hours of practice in total stillness, practically no-thought and deep absorption. Then I’ve had a dream where I practiced self-inquiry again. And my silly questions have just dissolved. So I won’t waste Jason time with them. Sorry to bother you because of that… 

Have a nice day 🌞 

Lsusr – February 17, 2025

Hahahahahaaaaaaaaaa

I’m happy for you. 😊

Tōkō – February 17, 2025

😁